英语学习:为什么要有恼人的adolescence?

加拿大都市网

文︰子慧

孩子进入青春期,家长就头痛。孩子变得情绪化、反叛,跟他们说话爱理不理,态度恶劣,不再喜欢跟父母一起,整天跟着朋友,不整洁,生活没有条理。青春期是adolescence,青春期的孩子、青少年就是adolescent。以上都是adolescents常见的“症状”,程度每个孩子可能不同,但这些行为改变或多或少会出现,就算最有耐性的父母,有时都会忍不住光火,又心痛和感到无所适从。

心理学家、亲子专家Carl Pickhardt说:”Often asked by parents in frustration(沮丧), the question is still a good one: ‘What’s the point of adolescence(究竟为什么要有青春期)?'”有位父亲这样说:”If I can see the endgame, it’s easier for me to keep playing.”

Endgame是棋局的术语,解the last stage in a game of chess when only a few of the pieces are left on the board,残局、残棋阶段。这个字亦引申解the final stage of some action or process,尾声、最后阶段。

其实了解adolescence的endgame,走到adolescence的尽头是什么光景,了解青春期对孩子成长的重要,对孩子(和父母)度过这个重要阶段会有很大帮助,令父母面对每天的问题不会失去方向感。

独立及自我定位

Adolescence对孩子成长有两个作用:

One developmental objective is to sufficiently detach(脱离) from parents and childhood so that by journey’s end the young person has acquired enough self-management freedom(自理的自由) and responsibility to finally support a functional independence(独立). “I can take care of myself.”

A second, and equally important developmental objective, is to sufficiently differentiate(区分、区别) from parents and childhood so that by journey’s end the young person has experimented with enough individual expression to claim a uniquely fitting identity(适合孩子的身份). “I know the person I am.”

简单说,即独立和找到自己在社会中的位置。其实大部分父母都明白这点,但遇上孩子态度恶劣,有时都忍不住责备他们。青少年情绪波动时跟他们对峙于事无补,要避免就要调节心态。首先切记:”Don’t take your child’s adolescence as a personal affront.” Affront解侮辱、有意冒犯。

Your son or daughter is not acting like an adolescent to “get you”(存心报复) or to get you upset. They are acting adolescent for themselves, for their own interest, mostly unmindful(不留意的,不顾别人的) of you.

权衡轻重不责罚

处理的方法不是罚他们,孩子只是做青少年所做的事。

To maintain a viable(切实可行的) relationship, you have to keep perspective(权衡轻重) while also specifying and insisting on the terms of family consideration you need your adolescent to observe.

例如他们不执拾自己的东西,父母应坚持让他们尽作为家庭一分子的责任,保持家居整洁,但不要骂他们。Carl Pickhardt在Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence教家长一些有用的做法。

share to wechat

延伸阅读

share to wechat

延伸阅读

share to wechat

安省男子来加十年后入籍申请被拒!原因很无语...

加拿大人口突破新门槛 从4000万到4100万仅用数个月