英語學習:成功的人都懂得say 「No」

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“Say No”是「說不」。小孩子大多沒有say no的問題,父母叫他們做功課,他們會say no;叫他們上床睡覺,他們也毫不猶豫地say no;吃水果、吃蔬菜,都會聽到他們說︰”No, No , No.”
但人長大了,就好像喪失了「義無反顧」地say no的能力,事無大小,明明心中不想、不喜歡、不能夠、沒能力、沒時間、口中不知怎的,都會聽到自己say yes。

心理治療師Jennifer Rollin說,不懂得say no是個很常見的問題:

For many people, it’s difficult to set boundaries(界限、界線) or say no to others. This can be especially challenging for those who self-identify as people-pleasers(喜歡取悅他人的人) or workaholics(工作狂).

不想say no常見的原因有幾個:

Most of us want to be liked and to please other people. It can be difficult to turn down opportunities or requests that others have made of us. It may also be challenging to set limits with difficult people.

想人家開心,不想錯失人家給我們的機會,有些人又特別難纏。

但對別人的所有要求都一律say yes,自然有問題:”When we say yes to everything and do not set boundaries with people, we can feel stressed(感到受壓), overwhelmed(難以抵受), and burned out (筋疲力盡).”就如領導訓練顧問Greg McKeown說:”If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”(你不為自己生命中的事情定先後次序,就有人會替你定。)

投資專家Warren Buffett也說:”The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”非常成功的人差不多對每件事都會say no。不要錯誤理解,這句話不是說凡事都說無可能,所有機會都要抗拒,而是不要做個pushover(耳根軟的人),任何人的要求都想去滿足。

忠於自己感覺

Say yes太多,自己應該知道,太順人意也有跡可尋。 Damon Zahariades說可以問自己:”Do you regularly feel unhappy, stressed, and exhausted(筋疲力竭的) as a result of constantly putting other people’s priorities(優次) ahead of your own?”
他在The Art Of Saying NO: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted (Without Feeling Guilty!) 中,說學會say no的好處:

Saying no to people is one of the most important skills you can develop. It frees you to pursue(追尋) your own interests, both personal and professional. To that end, it’ll boost(增進) your productivity(生產力), improve your relationships, and fill you with a sense of confident calm that may seem alien to you at this moment.

但怎樣才可以say no又不感到guilty(內疚)?首先要問對方向你提出的要求是否合理,你推卻對方向你展示一臉失望或不愉悅是否是你的錯?

You’ll come to appreciate that their disappointment is neither your fault(錯失) nor responsibility. This perspective(看法) will give you the courage to stop accommodating(予人方便的、樂於助人的) every request and invitation that comes your way .

University of Houston的學者Vanessa M. Patrick說:”The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life. It gives you a sense of empowerment(有信心和能力的感覺).”

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