文︰子慧
“对不起”难说出口，但很多人觉得更难说出口的是say no，说“不”。
对于心地好、对人友善的“好好先生”、“好好女士”来说，这是个经常遇上的问题。别人有需要，只要开口就有求必应。“这个周末可以替我当更吗？”“没问题！”“今晚可以替我看顾孩子吗？”“没问题！”什么都“没问题”，倒头来自己就会有很大问题。
能帮到人固然好，但一个人的时间、精神有限，对人有求必应，最终一定是令自己筋疲力竭、负荷不来，起码很多自己想要做的事都变得没有时间去做。
Damon Zahariades以前就是这样的一个“好好先生”，他自称”people pleaser”，处处想令别人开心，但有一天他终于醒觉。他在The Art Of Saying NO: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted中写道：
Saying yes to others was, in fact, saying no to myself. The time given would no longer be available to spend toward my own pursuits(爱好、追求的事). The money given would no longer be available to finance my own needs and interests.
夸大对方反应
很多人都不懂得say no。为什么明明想say no，但却相反会say yes呢？Carlin Flora在最近一篇分析”say no”心理的文章中说：
We come up with plenty of reasons not to say no. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. We don’t like confrontation or conflict. Or we’ve been raised to be polite and helpful.
通常的原因是不想令对方不开心，不想有冲突，或一向以来师长都教我们应该有礼貌和热心助人。我们也可能想得到同辈、同事的认同，工作上得到赞赏。尤其在工作上，同事有求于你，凡事say no确不是上策，重要的是懂得在哪里划界。觉得say no难说出口，有时一些身体语言，反应迟疑半秒，或面露一点难色，对方应可意会到你不想答允他们的要求，但这世界有很多人会利用别人的善心取便宜。
We resist saying no because we dread(害怕) letting people down, but is that concern legitimate?
Legitimate解合理的、合法的。我们不想推却是因为不想令对方失望。但这样的想法对吗？
Columbia University管理学教授Daniel Ames说：”Many of us exaggerate(夸大) how badly counterparts(对方) will react when we refuse their requests or proposals. Many help-seekers think a no is pretty likely, so they may not be shocked to get that answer.” 很多时对你提出要求的人都不大觉得你会应承，所以你推却他们，其实他们已有心理准备，不会觉得太出奇。
令人感到解脱
Damon Zahariades就说：”The ability to say no is liberating(令人感到解脱的) … Once you possess the ability to say no with confidence(信心) and grace(得体), and do so with regularity, you’ll notice changes in how others perceive you. They’ll have more respect for you; they’ll place a greater value on your time; and they’ll come to see you as a leader rather than a follower.”
