文︰子慧
「對不起」難說出口，但很多人覺得更難說出口的是say no，說「不」。
對於心地好、對人友善的「好好先生」、「好好女士」來說，這是個經常遇上的問題。別人有需要，只要開口就有求必應。「這個周末可以替我當更嗎？」「沒問題！」「今晚可以替我看顧孩子嗎？」「沒問題！」什麼都「沒問題」，倒頭來自己就會有很大問題。
能幫到人固然好，但一個人的時間、精神有限，對人有求必應，最終一定是令自己筋疲力竭、負荷不來，起碼很多自己想要做的事都變得沒有時間去做。
Damon Zahariades以前就是這樣的一個「好好先生」，他自稱”people pleaser”，處處想令別人開心，但有一天他終於醒覺。他在The Art Of Saying NO: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted中寫道：
Saying yes to others was, in fact, saying no to myself. The time given would no longer be available to spend toward my own pursuits(愛好、追求的事). The money given would no longer be available to finance my own needs and interests.
誇大對方反應
很多人都不懂得say no。為什麼明明想say no，但卻相反會say yes呢？Carlin Flora在最近一篇分析”say no”心理的文章中說：
We come up with plenty of reasons not to say no. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. We don’t like confrontation or conflict. Or we’ve been raised to be polite and helpful.
通常的原因是不想令對方不開心，不想有衝突，或一向以來師長都教我們應該有禮貌和熱心助人。我們也可能想得到同輩、同事的認同，工作上得到讚賞。尤其在工作上，同事有求於你，凡事say no確不是上策，重要的是懂得在哪裡劃界。覺得say no難說出口，有時一些身體語言，反應遲疑半秒，或面露一點難色，對方應可意會到你不想答允他們的要求，但這世界有很多人會利用別人的善心取便宜。
We resist saying no because we dread(害怕) letting people down, but is that concern legitimate?
Legitimate解合理的、合法的。我們不想推卻是因為不想令對方失望。但這樣的想法對嗎？
Columbia University管理學教授Daniel Ames說：”Many of us exaggerate(誇大) how badly counterparts(對方) will react when we refuse their requests or proposals. Many help-seekers think a no is pretty likely, so they may not be shocked to get that answer.” 很多時對你提出要求的人都不大覺得你會應承，所以你推卻他們，其實他們已有心理準備，不會覺得太出奇。
令人感到解脫
Damon Zahariades就說：”The ability to say no is liberating(令人感到解脫的) … Once you possess the ability to say no with confidence(信心) and grace(得體), and do so with regularity, you’ll notice changes in how others perceive you. They’ll have more respect for you; they’ll place a greater value on your time; and they’ll come to see you as a leader rather than a follower.”
