生兒育女,是個人決定,政府不應干預。政府可以做的是「鼓勵生育」,又或「減低生育的障礙」。具體說,是幫助有心生兒育女的夫妻減輕日後育兒的壓力,即是讓他們「有選擇」,而非無奈地決定不生育。
身為父母都會以有孩子為樂,可能覺得沒子女是種欠缺,但那些決定不要孩子的人,亦有自己的原因和想法,享受沒有孩子的生活。不過很多人往往不明白他們的想法,給他們無謂的批判和壓力。
聰明女人自己選擇
美國作家Glynnis MacNicol就現身說法。她在酒吧跟朋友聚會,談正在籌備寫一本人過四十的自傳,一位在場的名作家忽然說她沒孩子沒伴侶實在可悲。她在”I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me?”一文中描述當時的情況:
No sooner had I finished than the famous writer placed his glass firmly on the white tablecloth, leaned back and declared(斷言): “Glynnis MacNicol, you have a terrible life!”
Not exactly the feedback(回應、反應) I was hoping for. He continued: “You’re all alone in the world, and have no one to help you.” He turned to my friends, dramatically(戲劇性地) interrupting their conversation . “Do you know how terrible this woman’s life is? She’s all by herself!”
Alone解獨自的、單獨的。 Alone不等於lonely,lonely解孤獨的、寂寞的。我可以alone但不lonely,獨處但不感到孤寂。 Glynnis MacNicol說,40歲過外沒有子女,她對生活方式感到滿意、開心,但偏偏就有很多像那位名作家一樣的人,不信她生活過得快樂。
Child-free和childless都解沒有孩子,但意思有分別。 Child-free又叫voluntary childlessness,是選擇不要孩子。而childless就只解沒有子女。感到有生兒育女壓力的不只是Glynnis MacNicol一個。
Do I Have To Be A Mother?: A Childfree Woman’s Struggle with Doubt and Loneliness的作者Karin Rahbek就說:”Real women have children, wise women choose for themselves.”(真女人有兒有女,聰明的女人自己選擇。)
Baby Proof的作者Emily Giffin明顯不想經常被人嘮叨地問為何不生孩子:”Why do I need to have reasons? When someone decides to have a baby, people don’t go around asking what her reasons are.” (有人想生孩子,又不見有人問為什麼。)
美國演員Katharine Hepburn認為:”If motherhood doesn’t interest you, don’t do it. It didn’t interest me, so I didn’t do it.”(不想當母親這角色就別去當。我不想,所以就沒去做。)
不想當母親就別當
她又幽默地接著說︰”Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”(無論如何,我會是個差勁的媽媽。因為孩子第一次不聽話,我就會殺了他。)
這些想法,自然不會幫助改善人口老化,但生兒育女與否,每個人有絕對的自由去選擇,旁人實在不應多加評論。 Glynnis MacNicol要寫的自傳就是No One Tells You This: A Memoir,細談她沒有孩子也一樣可以開心。