文︰子慧
孩子進入青春期，家長就頭痛。孩子變得情緒化、反叛，跟他們說話愛理不理，態度惡劣，不再喜歡跟父母一起，整天跟着朋友，不整潔，生活沒有條理。青春期是adolescence，青春期的孩子、青少年就是adolescent。以上都是adolescents常見的「癥狀」，程度每個孩子可能不同，但這些行為改變或多或少會出現，就算最有耐性的父母，有時都會忍不住光火，又心痛和感到無所適從。
心理學家、親子專家Carl Pickhardt說：”Often asked by parents in frustration(沮喪), the question is still a good one: ‘What’s the point of adolescence(究竟為什麼要有青春期)?'”有位父親這樣說：”If I can see the endgame, it’s easier for me to keep playing.”
Endgame是棋局的術語，解the last stage in a game of chess when only a few of the pieces are left on the board，殘局、殘棋階段。這個字亦引申解the final stage of some action or process，尾聲、最後階段。
其實了解adolescence的endgame，走到adolescence的盡頭是什麼光景，了解青春期對孩子成長的重要，對孩子(和父母)度過這個重要階段會有很大幫助，令父母面對每天的問題不會失去方向感。
獨立及自我定位
Adolescence對孩子成長有兩個作用：
One developmental objective is to sufficiently detach(脫離) from parents and childhood so that by journey’s end the young person has acquired enough self-management freedom(自理的自由) and responsibility to finally support a functional independence(獨立). “I can take care of myself.”
A second, and equally important developmental objective, is to sufficiently differentiate(區分、區別) from parents and childhood so that by journey’s end the young person has experimented with enough individual expression to claim a uniquely fitting identity(適合孩子的身份). “I know the person I am.”
簡單說，即獨立和找到自己在社會中的位置。其實大部分父母都明白這點，但遇上孩子態度惡劣，有時都忍不住責備他們。青少年情緒波動時跟他們對峙於事無補，要避免就要調節心態。首先切記：”Don’t take your child’s adolescence as a personal affront.” Affront解侮辱、有意冒犯。
Your son or daughter is not acting like an adolescent to “get you”(存心報復) or to get you upset. They are acting adolescent for themselves, for their own interest, mostly unmindful(不留意的，不顧別人的) of you.
權衡輕重不責罰
處理的方法不是罰他們，孩子只是做青少年所做的事。
To maintain a viable(切實可行的) relationship, you have to keep perspective(權衡輕重) while also specifying and insisting on the terms of family consideration you need your adolescent to observe.
例如他們不執拾自己的東西，父母應堅持讓他們盡作為家庭一分子的責任，保持家居整潔，但不要罵他們。Carl Pickhardt在Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence教家長一些有用的做法。
